APPLY the handbrake, throw on the shackles, make England boring again.
Because here was a night to remember why Gareth Southgate used to pick balanced teams. And how he led the Three Lions to two major finals.
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Because this was a tactical omnishambles from interim chief Lee Carsley – who may have gambled himself out of a job with a bizarre team selection and an embarrassing defeat, the first time England have ever lost to Greece.
Carsley started with NO recognised centre forwards, then ended up with what Mike Bassett referred to as four-four-f***ing-two.
A flawed attempt at trying to crowbar all of England’s attacking midfield talent into the same team ended in misery.
If this is ‘Carsball’, it looked suspiciously like a car crash.
This was the sort of line up the public urged Southgate to play during the Euros, and for some time before that. It didn’t work.
And against better teams than the Greeks, ranked 48th in the world, it will work even less well.
Even after Jude Bellingham’s 87th-minute equaliser, England were beaten by Vangelis Pavlidis completing his double to snatch the winner in injury time.
England will now struggle to win promotion from the second tier of the Nations League, given that the Greeks are top with a 100 per cent record.
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More importantly for the long term, the FA’s plan to promote former Under-21 boss Carlsey as permanent manager may have been holed beneath the waterline.
It was not just that England lost, it was that they lost with such an unconventional line-up, as the Greeks ensured the interim boss came acropolis in spectacular style.
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Carsley played Bellingham and Phil Foden as a pair of false nines, in a starting line-up which included two flying wingers and Cole Palmer playing too deep in central midfield, alongside a horribly exposed Declan Rice.
The former Republic of Ireland player abandoned this experiment after an hour and soon had two authentic centre forwards on the field in Dominic Solanke and Ollie Watkins. That didn’t work either.
The scoreline could have looked far worse, given that Greece had THREE efforts ruled out for offside as Jordan Pickford suffered a personal horror show and Carsley’s side appeared hopelessly naive.
With Wembley sold out on a school night, Carsley decided to give the public what they’ve wanted for some time.
Got a load of exciting attacking midfielders? Well why not play the whole lot of them.
Indeed, given that John Stones, Trent Alexander-Arnold and Rico Lewis all often double up in the centre of the park for their clubs, you could argue that Carsley had selected nine midfield players.
It promised to be entertainingly chaotic and right from the off, it was.
Bellingham swivelled and shot from 20 yards, Odysseas Vlachodimos tipping over and after the Real Madrid man was hacked down, Palmer curled a free-kick onto the roof of the net.
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The damning stats that underline England horror show
Greece are the lowest ranked side to beat England in a competitive match in 19 years.
The away side were the lowest ranked side to ever beat England on home soil.
It was the first time Greece had never beaten England in their history.
Greece had never scored a goal at Wembley before tonight (the famous 2-2 with Becks free kick was at Old Trafford)
Vangelis Pavlidis’ strikes were his first since June 2022 vs Cyprus.
Jude Bellingham’s 87th-minute equaliser was England’s first shot on target since the third minute (also Bellingham).
Yet at the other end, England were defending with legs akimbo – and they were not helped by Pickford looking as if he had clown music playing in his head.
After Pavlidis curled a shot wide with England completely exposed, Pickford and Stones were involved in a horrible mix-up and the keeper passed straight to Greek skipper Anastasios Bakasetas, whose lob was spectacularly cleared off the line by Levi Colwill.
Yet from the resulting corner, Pickford completely missed a punch, allowing West Ham’s Konastantinos Mavropanos to head into the net – only for a linesman’s flag to save England.
Next, Stones made an excellent block to deny Bakesatas and people were beginning to understand why boring old Southgate used to pick balanced teams.
Bellingham was impressive, though and when he cut back for Palmer, England’s Player of the Year put his foot through the ball from eight yards out and skied a chance he would rarely have missed in a Chelsea shirt.
Anthony Gordon sent a free header over before Bukayo Saka ended the half with a booking for tripping Giorgios Masouras to stop a Greek break.
It had been a madcap, and somehow goalless first half.
But within five minute of the restart, England were behind.
Konstantinos Koulierakis ploughed straight through the heart of Carsley’s team before Vangelis Pavlidis, surrounded by three defenders, was able to stab past Pickford.
Saka was forced off through injury and replaced by Noni Madueke and soon Rice was booked for clattering Manolis Siopis before the resulting free-kick caused more mayhem.
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Pavlidis had another effort ruled for offside before the false nine idea was chucked away on the hour mark, Watkins arriving in place of Gordon before Solanke came on for the hapless Foden, who never carries his Manchester City form into England duty.
The Greeks thought they had it sown up when Pavlidis tucked home a low centre from Tzolis after a dozy pass from Pickford – but VAR ruled out the effort for offside.
It was huge let off for Carsley before Solanke cut back and the ball ran for Bellingham to ram home from 20 yards.
Even then England subsided, Lewis at the centre of a mass defensive cock-up which allowed Pavlidis to drill into the far corner.
It was a scene which summed up the whole night — England shambling and humiliated.
In the technical area, Carsley fell to his haunches in despair. Surely the FA can’t appoint him after this.
